Saturday I was on the dance floor, not as a teacher, not as an assistent, not as a crew member, not even for creating a visual… I was on the dance floor as a dancer…
The last time was three months ago… such a long time…
Though the floor was cold, it felt warm to me, the ground welcomed my body, my muscles and my bones, my blood and my breath, received all that I brought, my ins and outs, my thoughts, my worries, my tender heart and my tiredness… all of it…
Being received by this floor was like being received by Mother Earth…
I rolled and wallowed myself through the space, praying, wishing, longing; my body being a begging bowl for spirit… fully ready to surrender, deeply longing for some 5Rhythms medicine…
I danced my anger when someone bluntly stepped on my foot, in the midst of a shy-feet dance… I celebrated my body dancing across the floor through all the rhythms, from flow into staccato, chaos and lyrical; in stillness I slowed down and followed the teacher’s invitation of going slower… still slower… even slower… even more slower… slowly gliding into emptiness…
Emptiness…
Wow, that is really a place I don’t want to be… there is nothing…
I felt my fear of going there, felt all the tricks I have to avoid this place, like empty=full, nothing=all, dark=light… very spiritual… yeah…
Empty is black, raven black… blacker than black… it stirrs loss, mourning, letting go, letting go endlessly, nothing to hold on to… there is nothing to do anymore in this darkness… nothing I can do… travelling into emptiness merciless shook up my fear of being powerless…
The invitation kept on going… even slower… go there… into emptiness…
I felt a twitch, a change… a tickle of courage dropping in my moving being, a sparkle from the depth of my belly, the onset of a meltdown, a profound surrender to slowing down, my body found the way in… seduced me to explore emptiness, to face endlessness, nothingness, to really be in that deep deep black universe…
Empty… empty…
It’s beyond words… I am not able to convey in words what happened… there was a shift… a shift in me of coinciding puzzle pieces… disappearing stories… a sense of dissolving… a deep sensation of awareness and insight… my mind having no clue what this all was about… my body fully taking in this new perspective… other sensitivity, new possibilities… a life changing experience…
5Rhythms medicine…
The way in, is the way out…
